What You Can Do NOW To Start Feeling Better After Your Separation Or Divorce-Quick Tips, Idea's And Suggestions
The initial few weeks following your separation or divorce can seem to be devastating , overwhelming and despairing. You may be feeling extreme sadness , depression or anxiety . This is quite natural , however its equally natural to want to feel better ,to experience some relief from these strong emotions. The next idea’s will , hopefully , provide you with an array of tools , coping strategies and concepts to help you in the early days following your separation or divorce. They are NOT meant to be a substitute for professional services offered by psychologists , counselors or doctors. If you're extremely depressed we recommend and encourage you to definitely talk to your family doctor immediately.
divorce support
From the divorce recovery groups and workshops we have run , over many years , the following concepts , tips and techniques are what participants in our groups have found to become very helpful in dealing with the stresses and strong emotions experienced following relationship breakdown.
1. Talk It Through- A number of our course participants have commented that having a close friend or member of the family who will simply ‘listen’ to you , to hear what you have observed and are currently feeling is incredibly invaluable. The key suggestion would be to respectfully request your family member or friend to just listen and never offer advice. Whilst people who care for you and are worried about you , naturally would like to try and help , often giving ‘advice’ it is far more good for simply have them ‘listen’ for you . This allows you to express the deep emotions you are currently feeling and ‘get them out’ . You've probably been struggling with strong thoughts and feelings following your separation or divorce. With someone simply ‘listen’ to you and allow you to say whats really in your thoughts , this can be incredibly healing and offer you an almost immediate feeling of relief from those feelings and thoughts. You can approach a close trusted friend (somebody will respect your confidentiality) and ask for ‘ i would really appreciate if we could get together for some time , somewhere where we won’t be interrupted and if you could just listen to me as i really need to say whats been going on for me. I am not seeking advice , but would think it is really helpful simply to be able to express whats going on for me at this time”. Obviously , choose your personal words. Once you find a friend who will listen, if you're not sure how to start, its sometimes useful to start off by saying ‘i feel....’ , this will normally open up your dialogue. Your maingoal is to try and express precisely what you are feeling and experiencing. Many of our group members found this incredibly helpful. We now have detailed instructions on this on our ‘Recovery” DVD Set.
2. Learn how to Really Relax. Divorce and Separation are among the most stressful experiences we can encounter in life. Learning how to develop relaxation skills is definitely an invaluable tool. Yes , it may seem hard to find the time or energy to ‘relax’ when we are stressed , but this really is symptomatic of the stress itself- take note of this and do something to find ways that relax YOU.
Based on our divorce support groups and workshops ,participants found the list below of ideas helpful to help them relax;
Walking. A number of our group’s participants had never exercised prior to their relationship breakdown. For a lot of , the simple act of beginning to walk was found to become HUGELY beneficial. The elevated blood flow , deeper breathing , and rise in endorphins released during brisk walking proved to be hugely helpful in relation to lifting their mood and sense of well being. Try it- test it!! If you are feeling low , anxious or overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts following your divorce or separation , try walking at a brisk pace (but safe and ‘right’ for you) , for 30 to 40 minutes preferably , or whatever you can manage. Focus on the ‘act’ of walking , finding yourself in the ‘now’ , feeling the environment on your skin . If you have a local park or beach or river , anywhere as close to nature as you can get the better. But above all try it. Walking is a powerful mood lifter.A lot of our ‘stress’ seems to be ‘stored’ in our body. By exercising we release this ‘physical’ stress and at the same time release much of our ‘mental’ stress.
Buy a relaxation CD and make the conscious effort to take time out , maybe in the early evening , to listen to it for 20-30 minutes . The “Recovery” DVD Set has several useful relaxation exercises on it also.
Just as walking helps relieve physical and mental stress , many of our groups participants found that massage had a surprisingly powerful effect in releasing their stress. Most of the people had never tried massage before , but at other participants recommendations tried it and nearly all reported it was very helpful in ‘feeling better’. For other people , relaxation was found through yoga , squash , swimming , meditation , sport or playing a musical instrument . Take the time to find what ‘relaxes’ you. This is really important and very beneficial during the separation and divorce process.
divorce recovery
